Archive for the '*English posts' Category

30
Jul

HUMAN DNA ( C CODE )

For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact
that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful
function.

I have solved the mystery.

The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that
the rest of it is comments.

Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as
follows:

=================

/* HUMAN_DNA.H
*
* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
*
* (C) God
*/

/* Revision history:
*
* 0000-00-01 00:00  1.0  Adam.
* 0000-00-02 10:00  1.1  Eve.
* 0000-00-03 02:11  1.2  Added penis code to male version. A bit messy –
*                        will require a rewrite later on to make it
*                        neater.
* 0017-03-12 03:14  1.3  Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from
*                        elephant-dna.c
* 0145-10-03 16:33  1.4  Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20  1.5  Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
* 2091-08-20 13:56  1.6  Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
* 2501-04-09 14:04  1.7  Minor cosmetic improvements — skin colour made
*                        darker to match my own image.
* 2909-07-12 02:21  1.8  Dentition inadequate; added extra ‘wisdom’
*                        teeth.
*                        Must remember to make mouth bigger to
*                        compensate.
* 4501-12-31 14:18  1.9  Increase average height.
* 5533-02-12 17:09  2.0  Added gay option, triggered by high population
*                        density, to try and slow the overpopulation
*                        problem.
* 6004-11-04 16:11  2.1  Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre
*                        of CD.
*/

/* Standard definitions
*/

#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian

/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
* inheritance features.
*/

#include “mother.h”
#include “father.h”

#ifndef FATHER
#warn(”Father unknown — guessing\n”)
#include “bastard.h”
#endif

/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>

/* Kludged code — I’ll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
* library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g;   Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}

/* Initialization bootstrap routine — called before DNA duplication.
* Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
*/
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);

/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
*
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism
* to display at birth.
*
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
*/
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);

===

….and so on.

[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]

Via Mathew Murphy who released this joke under GPL - http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/dna.html

24
Nov

Weird things being sold on ebay

#10 - Girlfriends: Some girls auctioned their services as ‘imaginary girlfriends’, who would send the winning bidder pictures of themselves and loving letters, which they could use to pretend they had a girlfriend.

#9 - Wedding dress: Nothing strange about selling a wedding dress, you might think – but this was the guy’s ex-wife’s wedding dress. And he modelled it, as well as writing a long screed about his ex-wife in the description. It sold for £3,850.

#8 - TV part: Producers on the TV show Ally McBeal once used eBay to auction off a walk-on part on the show.

#7 - Kidney: One man tried to sell his kidney on eBay – after all, you only need one, right? Unfortunately it’s illegal to buy or sell human organs. Good thinking, though.

#6 - Toenail clippings: A girl once sold her toenail clippings on eBay, one clipping from each toe. She got a $1 for the set – a low price for the years of joy they no doubt provided to the buyer.

#5 - Britney’s gum: Someone picked up Britney Spears’ chewed gum at a London hotel and decided it’d be a great thing to sell on eBay. Oddly enough, they were right – they got $263 for it. A Britney fan probably has it framed in their house.

#4 - Ghost: Yes, a ghost. In a jar. Well, why not? The ghost was, apparently, ‘terrorising’ the man who owned it, and so he decided to capture it and sell it on eBay to someone who might be able to give it a better home.

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